Today we got invited by my mom's friend to a local pre-lunar new year gathering.Before setting off for the gathering, we were invited to visit the friend's house. The house is imbued with loving family photos and cozy decors. Pictures spread across the room displaying bright smiles all over the place. This is a typical middle-class family with two daughters and the parents. The older daughter has already graduated from college and lives in NY for work while preparing for her engagement; the younger daughter is only fourteen who has a passion in drawing and singing. This reminds me of how I used to be when I was at her age, we shared the same passion, yet with disparate family backgrounds. I always dreamed of living in a complete family where I could play the loving daughter cuddled by father's protection and mother's tender cares. Dreams are still dreams, even though it will never be realized, I'm still cool with how I brought up to be by a single parent.
The house felt warm and welcoming. I have never had such a pleasure of being in a stranger's house, and I'm glad my mother is making progress in finding new friends. I hope they are nice people and willing to accept us as their friends. If we get rejected again, I honestly doubt we will ever be able to form any connections in the community, it is such a difficult task for a single woman to blend in since people are less willing to put trust in others as they grow older, and most people in my mom's age have family, thus jealousy intensifies among the wives when a single woman is being introduced.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Changes in lfe
I still can't keep up with the changes that are constantly happening and taking effects in my life. Especially the changes in people and myself. What is happening? I have been trying to maintain the old relationships or more accurately, to beg people not to leave me behind. I'm aware that this is the age when people move on from the pre-adulthood to adulthood. This phase in life has turned into a catastrophe, which forced me to recognize life as a shattered puzzle piece that requires me to put them back together whenever it constantly breaks apart on its own. I want to have some control over all those changes, yet it feels like I'm the only one who is always behind of everyone. People change and move on without even leaving a lament glance, yet I can't even stop my stubborn mind from telling me to maintain what seem to be valid.
It is hard to feel left behind by the people I used to run along with. Or maybe arriving at adulthood really means we depart and set off for a new place to rid of the old and to welcome the new. Yet why do I always feel I'm alone in this transitioning? Are we suppose to embrace loneliness before acquiring the power of being independent? There is still too many veiled truth in the transitioning to adulthood and in becoming a matured person. I'm still trapped in the maze of finding myself. Is this a game that I have to play in order to get out?If it is, I must be lost in the middle of playing and desperately need for guidance. I hope if miracle still do exist that someone would hear my hopeless cry and come to give me a guidance on what I need to do in order to make sense of all the traumas that are happening. Fears won't leave me alone, and I'm too much on my own that I'm afraid I will collapse in confusion and never reach my goals...
It is hard to feel left behind by the people I used to run along with. Or maybe arriving at adulthood really means we depart and set off for a new place to rid of the old and to welcome the new. Yet why do I always feel I'm alone in this transitioning? Are we suppose to embrace loneliness before acquiring the power of being independent? There is still too many veiled truth in the transitioning to adulthood and in becoming a matured person. I'm still trapped in the maze of finding myself. Is this a game that I have to play in order to get out?If it is, I must be lost in the middle of playing and desperately need for guidance. I hope if miracle still do exist that someone would hear my hopeless cry and come to give me a guidance on what I need to do in order to make sense of all the traumas that are happening. Fears won't leave me alone, and I'm too much on my own that I'm afraid I will collapse in confusion and never reach my goals...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
List for 2012
This is a list that outlines the plan I'm going to implement in 2012 as a way to speed up the progress of getting closer to my goals.
To start the list, I have to reform the way I live and rid of the habits I would love to live without.1. I must not drag projects on-hand to the last minute.
2. Acquiring persistence by avoiding distractions. If I started something I must finish it! To start out means hang in there till it's done and staying away from the web!
3. Be audacious, daring to initiate a conversation. According to Roosevelt Eleanor the cause of fear is the uncertainty of an event and its outcome. If you suck it up, try not to think about the outcome and just go do it, you'll feel much more accomplished than not even attempting.
4. DO NOT live on others' view of you.
5. Be yourself and again avoid distractions
6. Make valuable friends.
7. Smile as much as possible, but try not to look like a retard :)
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